Sha-ZAM! (and not the Shaq movie)

Green Only Distributors is online!  After about a year in the making, the website is done.  Please go and check it out, there are some sweet products all related to a green environment.  When you go to their site, please make sure you register - just beneath where you log in - especially if you plan to order from their site.  They are not in the business of spamming.  Registering will make a more seamless transaction and makes it easier to track your order.  Also, they will be doing a monthly drawing to give away a product off their site which may even be a gift certificate.

Preview and Review

Preview:

This week I got a sneak peak at the website in progress from Green Only Distributors.  It's looking really good and I can't wait to order some of the products they carry from other manufacturers.  I found something called Soap Nuts that I can't wait to try and if you're reading this and I have your address or know where you live, you'll probably be receiving some too; Mom, Mark, Stephanie, Peter, Stacey, Skotdog - rest assured (oh and ;j you'll have to send me your address).  I am also looking forward to trying this Shampoo Bar, about which I've heard really good things.  I've also made another man soap upon request and I looooove the scent and the look of it.  I had been imagining this look about a week before they asked me and it was the perfect opportunity to give it a whirl.  I think it will be named After Hours, but am not 100% sure yet. 

 Behold:

I've also been re-taking pictures of several soaps.  I'm never satisfied...

White Gardenia:

Naked:

I'm getting nervous and excited because I've been churning out the soap in the hopes that it'll be cured and ready by the time their site goes online and by then I can be making back up batches for the next order, festivals, holiday season and such, but I still have about four more first-round large batches to make.

I crunched some numbers the other night before going to sleep since they were bouncing around in my head and have decided that it's entirely possible to be a full time sudstress and actually earn a living.  I could easily increase production and make three large batches a day.  All I would have to do is make two more molds (easy & cheap), buy two more large stainless steel pots (easy & sorta cheap if Ikea sells them), buy a heavier duty mixer (easy & not so cheap, but have been meaning to for a while, it's already necessary and is not that expensive in the grand scheme of things).  The idea of that makes me want to run around and jump up and down, but for now, I'm just churnin' and burnin'.  I don't really know where the burnin' comes in, it rhymes but I would prefer not to get a lye burn if I can help it...

Review:

I already know that I have a good product because I make it and have used a lot of it.  There is also empirical proof of this because when I sent samples to the distributor, they in turn sent it off to a lab and got back pristine results.  Not only that, but now I have written proof!  Joanna at The Soap Bar has reviewed one of my own favorite soaps for all to see.  I agree, my soaps are very sudsy.  There are also some of the most amazing soaps I've ever seen all over that site.  It is both humbling and inspirational.  It's also nice to see that someone else blogs about their cats sometimes.  So, in that vein, here's another funny picture of Lilly.

It's (kinda) official.

I've been holding back.

Things have been going well for me this year ('08 is great) and I'm scared that at any moment, everything will fall through and I'll be left with my heart, hopes and dreams in my hand, standing alone, in the rain, on a corner watching the last bus to the good life drive away without me.  

Actually, I've had a few undesirable things happen so far, but I turned them into lemonade.  I know I have the strength and resources to pull through tough times, but lately I've found myself wondering what would happen if I went blind.  What if something catastrophic happened that shook my will to go on?  Would I be able to overcome something like that?  I'm sure everyone thinks they've had a difficult life, and I'm no different.  I feel I've had to learn a lot of hard lessons early and that I'm ready for a period of smooth sailing.  Maybe not even so much in the outside world, I don't necessarily need good luck (not that I'd kick it out of bed for eating crackers) but I want a moment to breathe without the constant inner turmoil that arises from questioning myself, my motivations, my life, what I believe in, etc. 

Over the last year and a half, I was going through a pretty rough patch.  Throughout my life, that seems to be my general pattern.  Something brews for a while, I go inside, into the dark, struggle with my inner demons and then come out on the other side transformed.  I can't remember ever having such a long dark period, however.  I shared a lot of good times with good friends, but I was really struggling with feeling depressed and lonely and as if that's not hard enough, feeling embarrassed about it like it was a testament to my inevitable deterioration.  I turned 30, was drinking too much and making poor decisions that only perpetuated my shame and loneliness.  I knew that something had to happen and whatever it was had to come from inside of me, I just had no idea how to go in and get it.  Sometime after that came my epiphany.

Part of the reason for holding back is also related to my continued commitment to stay in the moment so as not to obsess over the outcome of any situation since I can neither control nor predict such things.  For example, my relationship with Peter.  So many things occur every day that I wish I could share with him or something will remind me of a joke we shared, but since he's in the wilderness with no phone/email quite often, the lack of immediate/frequent response starts to get to me and I wonder if it was all in my imagination, are time and distance eroding his feelings for me?  I share the same time and distance, but when I get lonely, no one else's company would satisfy my urge to be with him.  I don't claim him as my boyfriend, but would feel untrue if I were dating others not necessarily to him, but to my feelings.  I have not asked him to deny himself these options, but I can only hope he would feel the same.  So, I've sort of created my own little conundrum.  My solution:  cross my fingers and plan the next visit. 

I'm not good at making plans either.  I can barely commit to what time to meet for lunch three days from now because I might be in the mood to do something else.  So for me to plan a career just seems ridiculous.  Over the years I've tried several different jobs after graduating from college, all while still bartending.  Each of them has bored me within a year.  I'm scared to invest so much time, energy and money into another degree only to be met with the same boredom.  So, five years after my introduction to handmade soap, for soapmaking to still ignite the same passion, if not more so, thrills me to say the least. 

I haven't talked much about this because I didn't want to count my proverbial eggs before they hatch...  but that distributor I spoke about briefly several blogs ago wants to carry my entire line of soaps.  Ahhhhhhhh!!!  They even sent my soap off to a lab to make sure it was up to their green standards on top of trying it for themselves, so they know I have a good product.  Their website should be up and running within the next week or two and the way I understand it, from there they will gauge interest in my product and shortly thereafter, place their order(s).  They also have other plans in the works which could mean bigger orders a few months from now.  I think this is definitely cause to step up production.  So, a few hours ago I went to Home Depot and got some MDF and 1x4 wood to make a mold that will accommodate 3-4 times the size of my current batch.  I started daydreaming about warehouse/loft space, exposed brick, stainless steel kitchen carts, soap curing in racks along the walls, saponifying to my Mute Math cd as the sun shines through the windows into my soap palace... (note to self: stay in the moment).   A few years ago, I pasted my face onto a picture of Kathleen Lewis from an article  in Organic Style, a magazine which no longer exists.  It was with scissors and glue, not exactly photoshop quality:



Man, that would be cool.

I celebrate with cake.

I am celebrating my "(200)8 is Great!" sentiment, as I've recently passed my first test when confronted with a difficult situation.  It's easy to feel good when things are going well, so I feel like I handled this with less worry and stress than I would've before my recent change of mind. Some things are in fact going well, so I choose to celebrate with cake.  However, since I am not so good at making cake worth eating, I will celebrate with some gratuitous, drool-worthy soap cake pictures.

It turns out that the people at the distribution company like my product, so they have decided to include me as one of their soap vendors.  Yay!  One step at a time, though.  There's nothing in writing, but I believe that there is a lot of potential here.  This company distributes to about 500 stores that are either green or going green and has plans to expand.  They also operate under the philosophy of working exclusively with small businesses.  They were once very small and choose to continue their growth through allowing other small businesses an opportunity to grow with their help.  To that I say, thank you and Wheeeeeeeee!  To celebrate this, I give you the original soap cake that opened the door for more soap cake...  Lemon Charlotte:

  

Also, I have been running much more consistently over the past couple of months.  It's funny how I'm too lazy to get all dressed in cold weather gear to ride my bike in these temperatures, but motivated enough to run 4-5 miles every other day.  I think the reason that I like biking more as a warm weather sport is that feeling of freedom that comes with it and cold wind and several layers make me feel constricted.  Biking is one sport where in the hot and muggy summers, sweating actually works to cool you down.  So, it stands to reason that it's a lot colder moving at 20 mph than at 6-7 mph.  Also, there are a lot more things that I have to be aware of, like traffic, potholes, grates, people, etc. on a bike whereas with running, though I am still aware of my surroundings I can clear my mind, focus on my breathing and create a moving meditation of sorts.  When I am running, I let thoughts float in and out, and usually one of two things happens.  Either I come up with a new and creative idea, usually pertaining to soap; or  I sort out whatever internal conflict I've been dealing with, or at least come to peace with it. Sometimes both if the run is long enough.  Regardless, I always am in a better mood, have more energy, am more capable of dealing with stress and more confident with myself.  I can't believe I used to hate running so much.  To celebrate, I present:  Mint Chocolate Chip, a timeless classic.

 

Finally, I have been invited to set up a booth at the Fool's Gold endurance mountain bike race by Namrita O'Dea.  I've only actually raced in one, and it was on a team, so it wasn't really all that endurance-y, but the atmosphere at those things is super fun since mountain bikers tend to have a lot of personality and fewer inhibitions about the stupid crap that afflicts most people.  I wouldn't be racing, but I'd be in the mountains of North Georgia which always refreshes my spirit, I'd be exposing my soaps to a whole community of people and I'll likely meet a lot of new people and have a ton of fun.  So, to celebrate this, I give you Chocolate Raspberry Torte which incorporates a bit of pink, just like my biking outfits do.