bringer of messages and portents of change

The most prevalent form of religious/spiritual practice in my household growing up was that of Native American people. My mom used to smudge me before school; she was named by an elder on the reservation where she spent much time learning while volunteering her time and efforts; whenever I took a rock or a flower from the ground, I was encouraged to leave an offering of thanks in the form of a strand of hair or sometimes tobacco for something more substantial. When I was 16, we took a road trip and visited the Medicine Wheel and Wounded Knee. Though I shrugged off many of the practices as an adolescent, though the underlying principles were instilled in me. As I get older, I begin to understand the significance and necessity of ritual.

Last Friday I was driving on The By Way and for the second time in a week, a red tailed hawk flew low over my car, showing me it's spotted underbelly. This time it was carrying half of a squirrel and actually landed on the ground. I pulled my car over to take a picture, as never in my life have I seen a hawk standing on the ground. It just stood there observing, unfazed by the cars driving by. I walked across the street taking pictures as I got closer. I stopped at about 6 feet from the revered bird for fear that he may think I was trying to steal his food and decide to claw my eyes out. I feel I could've gotten closer, as he was unwavering in my presence.

I stood there awestruck for about two full minutes waiting for him to get spooked and fly away. He did not. It was only after I went back across the street and got into my car that he flew up into a tree, leaving the partial squirrel on the ground. In the tradition of Native American medicine, I believe that when an animal presents itself to me, there is a message in that and it is up to me to pay attention to it. Of course the first place I turned was the internet to learn more about what the medicine of a red tailed hawk represents.* There was quite a bit that resonated with the direction and lessons that I am working on in life right now, but none summed it up better than this:

"Many of the messages Hawk may bring are about freeing yourself of thoughts and beliefs that are limiting your ability to soar above your life and gain a greater perspective. If one remains earthbound, then the possibilities of life are limited! It is this ability to soar high above to catch a glimpse of the bigger picture that is one of the aspects of Hawk medicine that makes it so valuable: If one is undergoing a difficult passage to know that just over the next hill is freedom and liberation if one keeps going can be a Godsend in supporting the person to keep moving forward! Likewise, if the path is not appropriate, Hawk Medicine can alert one to this and point out a far more favorable path." -found here


That night I asked for a dream and I received one. In this dream I was lifted up off the ground by a helicopter. I was not in the helicopter, but dangling from it by the firm grip of my legs and holding myself up with one arm while in my other was a fire extinguisher. As the 'copter lifted me up, I was not filled with fear, but rather with a joyful exhilaration. If there was any fear, it was similar to that anxious excitement before riding a roller coaster or (I imagine) skydiving. As I rose from the bleak, industrial surroundings, I saw the slate blue ocean brilliantly reflecting the bright sun. I was so close to it, but too far to see it from the ground.

As we flew towards the ocean, I was asked to put out these fires which arose from two smokestacks. I was working on it when they announced that we were going to have to get closer to the fires in order to put them out, to which I replied "okay, but just don't catch my hair on fire". I got about 90% of the fire put out before my fire extinguisher was empty. As we hovered, some blind presence handed me a pint of heavy cream (I know, it's a dream) which I poured on the smoking embers to completely extinguish the flames.

There are so many ways to analyze this that make sense to me, which is odd because usually my dream analysis is pretty straight forward when my subconscious wants to announce something. Perhaps something great is just beyond my field of vision. When I am 'on the ground' focused on leftover squirrel instead of up above seeking something more fulfilling, I can't see the big picture. If I can expand my view to see beyond my perceived limitations, I will find that something beautiful is 'just over the next hill' and completely within my reach if I can envision it and keep moving towards it. Maybe it's time to put out the fires and move on...



* interesting tidbit: their tail only turns that rusty red well into maturity as though the animal must earn those feathers.

...and bears, oh my!

I rode my bike with two friends today through three mountain gaps of North Georgia.  The air started out thick and heavy going up Woody Gap, where at the top, we came upon three guys that had hiked 22 miles of the Appalachian Trail and run out of water since the streams are but a trickle.  I emptied my water bottle into one of theirs since the gas station with the water spout was a short, cool ride down the nicely repaved road between Woody and Wolf Pen Gap.  Just before the steep part of Wolf Pen, we took a tiny detour on a park road where we saw a BIG ASS PILEATED WOODPECKER.   Later we also saw a BIG ASS OWL which was probably a screech owl, since it was gray and they are pretty common, but I don't know for sure as we only caught a glimpse of it flying. 

Heading up Wolf Pen was not as bad as I remember.  It's a bunch of short steep curves for about a mile and a half.  Earlier, Matt's derailleur got jammed on the way up Woody, so when I heard him stop and say something, I turned around but saw him still pedaling, so I kept pushing forward for only a second before I saw a BIG ASS BLACK BEAR step out onto the road about thirty feet in front of me, at which point I quietly stated: "holyfuckit'sabear" as I turned around and rode a little ways back.  Thankfully he surprised me more than I surprised him, so I turned around again and made my way up the rest of Wolf Pen.  It may have been the adrenaline rush, or the fact that I could hear him running alongside me in the woods, but I made it up this gap faster than any other time I've ridden it.  I'm not sure why I thought I'd ride downhill since I know black bears don't usually attack humans, but I also know that they can run over 30 mph and I believe the fastest I've gone downhill was about 37 mph.  

We made it down Wolf Pen and immediately started up Neel's Gap which is when I started to feel my quads working at the outer top half of my thighs, a spot that doesn't usually burn, although I was pushing it harder than usual up Neel's.  I believe it's only about two miles up Neel's in this direction, but it felt like about two days.  Up at the top I felt a couple rain drops and we sped the whole way down and through a bunch of junk miles back to Rock Pile where we parked.  The wind was blowing pretty hard and it took my front wheel to the side a few times on the way down and it rained on us half way back to the car, but we made it.  Sadly, the only victim of the ride was the BIG ASS DRAGON FLY (at least that's what it looked like at 35 mph) that hit me seemingly in slow motion right  between the eyes and perished upon my sweet fox sunglasses that I wore to protect my eyes (and totally did not pay $100 for them) from rain drops, leaves and sticks that were flying around.

We made it back to the car safe from the storm and on the way home, my friend who rode 3 gap for the first time kept complaining of feeling nauseated.  The heat was pretty bad at first, but Matt and I told her she needed food and that would make her feel better.  Apparently the gallon of vomit she barfed up in a walmart bag did the trick half way home and she was laughing along with us after that.  Strangely enough, hearing the barf bubble noises she was making made me a little queasy.  I made it home without throwing up and believe it or not, craving a hot meal.  It's hard to get good food at 11 p.m. so I ended up with some leftover fruit from lunch, a soggy left over half sandwich and about 5 clementines.  I rarely cook for only myself, so I was pretty short on supplies and motivation.  Subletting from ol' Mother Hubbard is a bitch, yo.