sweeeeet!

I was on a sugar kick earlier this month.  I made blue sugar with too much water mixed into my kaolin clay, giving it that old paint crackle look that reminds me of an old country home,

then I made brown sugar which moved so fast on me that I had to hot process it, and it just happened to come out looking like a big, glorious hunk of yummy, sweet brown sugar crystals,




then I made pink sugar which came out pretty much as planned. 

 

Yow, I have a sweet tooth and since I try to avoid the kind you eat, I make the kind you can smell and slather all over your body...

next post:  carrot juice, shea butter facial bar

ragamushroom

I have been spending a lot of time with Lilly since Neko is no longer here to harass her.  She will not enter my bedroom, which is a new thing.  She slept next to me the night Neko died, but since then, will not stay on the bed when I bring her in there each night.  She used to spend a fair amount of time in there, but perhaps now the room is filled with his spirit, still spending each night with me.  I have not slept well since his death.  I get to the point where I can't keep my eyes open on the couch, but once my head hits the pillow on my bed, I am wide awake, reliving the day of his death.  I hope time will eventually allow me to fall asleep with a sense of peace first rather than loss.  

Lilly is not as sleek as Neko was, but rather a raggedy, easily matted fluffball no matter how much I brush her.  Her shape is also a bit mushroom-like when she sits, and so I nicknamed her "ragamushroom" (ragamuffin +mushroom) but is also known as Lilly, Lillygirl, my little muffin top, mushroom, ragamuffin, ragamushroom, etc.  She, like Neko, shows her belly often, but will attack if said belly is rubbed.  Neko didn't mind so much.

safe and welcomed

I have officially been included as a member of the etsy SAFE team this month.  "The SAFE Team (Soap Artisan Friends of Etsy) is a group of soapmakers committed to excellence and best manufacturing practices on etsy. We are open to soapers of all levels, from the hobbyist to the well-established seller, including those who create other bath & body products such as lotions, balms, butters and sprays. We continually strive to perfect our craft and educate ourselves and others about the best practices a soaper must follow both to remain in compliance with FDA laws and to ensure quality products. We are a team that takes great pride in our craft – as it is a blend of both science and art.

We are also friends. As such, we value and insist upon respect for all members. We are a world-wide group and run the spectrum of beliefs, cultures, and political leanings, so opinions and personalities will differ - this is expected and respected. We ask that everyone is treated with courtesy and kindness."

I was welcomed in true soaper fashion, much like I was on the soapy internet forum I have been a member of and active on for a handful of years.  Right around the same time that my provisional membership ended and my permanent membership began, Neko died.  It was then that the team's true colors really shined and I was offered much consolation both on their public thread and privately.  It's a thread newly weaved into my support system and I am thankful and proud to be a part of it.  There are some talented people from all over who are a part of this team.  I'm tentatively going to be a part of a collaborative blog post on the team's blog site and am very much looking forward to it.   wOOt!  SAFEteam.

way to go, pharmaceutical companies. you must be so proud.

Maybe it's because of my recent loss that everything seems so trivial.  Maybe I have some anger along with my grief and sadness and I don't want to direct it at a person, so something like this gets me riled up.  

I pay $150 a month for my health insurance that carries a $10,000 deductible with 6 doctor visits a year at a $40 co-pay.  My premium goes up by $30 per month every year with no relief in sight.  I have a pre-existing condition if I ever try to change plans and may be forced to make a choice in treatment that I don't feel comfortable with because it is the only one I can afford and Fing people with no real problems are using prescription coverage for THIS?    

I understand that there are many cosmetic procedures that have a large impact on self image and quality of life, but this is Fing ridiculous.  Maybe it's that I can't escape my pain in the silence of my home and when I try to drown it out with television, and the pain just bubbles up in another manner, because this really pisses me off.

thank you and goodbye

I just want to say thank you to all the people who've been a great source of support for me in this very painful time.  I learned that there are so many people who can empathize and are willing to do anything or be there for me even if it's not convenient for them.  There is still a big hole in my heart, but I am so thankful for the genuine care people have expressed.  

It turned out that Neko has thickening of his heart muscle from the most common feline heart disease called hypertrophic myocardiopathy.  It's difficult to diagnose since cats are usually asymptomatic until the disease is progressed and they get fluid in their lungs or a blood clot that can paralyze their hind quarters.  There is a part of me that questions things I could've done to have prevented this, but no matter what this time always has to come and even though he was only 3 years old, he had a fun, happy, active, loving life and never had to suffer or get sick.  He had a big heart and loved me so much.  We had a really tight bond.  He slept next to my pillow every night, sometimes pawing at my nose so that he could sleep on it.  The hardest parts for me have been waking up every day without him.  He always knew the second I woke up and if he wasn't already next to me, he was head-butting me within seconds.

Neko was my special little guy.  He was my favorite.  I feel like the one positive thing that may come from this is that Lilly and I have a chance to form a closer bond.  She's starting to notice he's not around and I'm sad that I find myself comparing her to Neko, as their size, demeanor and personalities are so wildly different.  Sometimes it's comforting to have her around and other times it just makes it more obvious that Neko is gone.

On the eve of his death, I came home from my neighbor's to pet Lilly before going back and twice I found the little toy that Neko and I had played fetch with the night before, sitting in the middle of the couch.  Then once again the next day when I came home from picking up his remains, it sat there on the couch.  I feel like that was his last little goodbye.  

So, I'm posting one of the last pictures I took of him giving me such joy as he did daily.  I can't count the times that I looked at him and just felt my heart swell full of love for him and really appreciate having him as my companion.  He was hilarious and unique and so, so full of personality.

If anyone had planned to come and see me during the Decatur Arts Festival, I will not be setting up on Saturday and am going to see how I feel about Sunday.  It's just so soon and though it could be a good distraction, I'm physically weak and exhausted from not really being able to eat and I am not far enough removed that I can tell people why I'm not peppy without bursting into tears.  

no words can describe.

Neko died today. I am so sad. God, I loved him so much.

festival, sorta...

My dear Atlantans. It's been a big week. I quit my job. I could write paragraph after paragraph after paragraph about how, why, etc., but I feel like doing that would just create negative emotion and anxiety over such things that I quit to move forward from in the first place. It was a long time coming and I'm excited to move on to what's next and I'll leave it at that.

Oh! The reason I started out with my dear Atlantans is that I'll be on the periphery of a festival this weekend. Memorial Day weekend marks the annual Decatur Arts Festival. Like a few other festivals, this one caters solely to the "fine arts" and those who create consumables, i.e. soap, are ineligible for participation.   H o w e v e r . . . one store that carries my soaps - Melrose on Ponce - rents out space in front of their shop, so I thought I'd give it a whirl. I paid slightly less than a festival this size would cost in order to set up, which is a bit of a risk as I don't know how it will work out not being legitimately associated with the festival. There is never any way to predict the results when officially part of a festival either, so, really it's no different. I will still benefit from the foot traffic in the neighborhood and possibly more because I know there will likely be no other bath & body vendors around the festival. Also, Melrose on Ponce is such a great store and I like that it's a mutually beneficial deal. Last but not least, it's more exposure even if I don't sell much, my soap will still be in the hands of that many more people, and I will have more names on my mailing list. This is particularly a good thing because when Comcast made the switch a few months ago, I lost my entire contact list.  *shaking fists at comcast*  Fortunately I still have the notebooks I used to collect people's emails and am rebuilding it slowly but surely.

In any event, look for something like this  -  I'll be set up Friday evening, all day Saturday and Sunday.



On a side note, today is a big day for me since I dropped Neko off at Lifeline for an affordable way to get his nuggets clipped and update his shots. I'll admit I shed a few tears. His little beanbags are the last connection I have to Fat Head who is the last connection to Phoebe.   Plus, it's lonely without that little furrball terrorizing the place. Lilly seems to be enjoying the peace and quiet and has not left my lap for a moment at any time when I've been sitting down today.

graduation sale

After a very successful and rainy April, so far this month has me seeing tumbleweeds blowing through my etsy shop.  This on the heels of a pretty big and baffling personal and professional let down which I will not go into detail about, but has been upsetting and bewildering none the less.  In the spirit of catharsis through shopping, I'm offering a weekend graduation sale that should help both you and me feel better.  

This Friday 5/15 through Sunday 5/17 - receive 10% off your order of any size.  The first 15 orders will receive a free 1.5 oz guest soap square in either 'swirled sandalwood' or 'sweet orange & lemongrass' - be sure to let me know if you have a preference in the notes to seller when ordering. 

swirled sandalwood

sweet orange & lemongrass

(3.5 oz size pictured)

quickie

I've had so many different topics that I'd like to write about, thinking about them during quiet moments while jogging or driving in silence.  Alas, I have not had much chance.  I have a lot that I need to get done today and not the time nor the brain power to write something intelligible at the moment, so I thought I'd take the opportunity to post my big fat marshmallow looking first attempt at bath bombs.  One looks close to as it should only with cracks while the rest are a sad display.

attack of the stay puff bath bomb

domes instead of spheres

lopsided growth

sad

almost but not quite

Also, the Inman Park Festival was a great success, thanks to a huge crowd and great weather and awesome neighbors who gave me this awesome wiener shirt and my favorite of their posters - Neko Case of course.

On a side note, am I the only one that thinks the "open heart collection" from kay jewelers looks more like a half assed attempt at boobs, balls and/or butts?  The ad does not have me convinced that she spent more than ten minutes coming up with that stupid painting.  Way to get 'er done in a hurry, though.