sudstress

Fraud Alert

2009-11-12T13:48:00.002-05:00

This woman and I entered into a wholesale NOT private label agreement wherein she would sell Sudstress soaps that I have spent the last 5 years developing, photographing, branding and trademarking. As it turns out, she has been selling them under fraudulent pretenses and claiming that she spent the years, sweat, blood and tears that I have creating a product and brand. I guess it's another earmark of success, but it's infuriating none the less. Here is the blog in which she has stolen all of my pictures, sans packaging, my website and etsy content word for word:

http://www.thewrightsoap.blogspot.com/

She is NOT a member of the handcrafted soapmaker's guild, though I am, and has fraudulently used their logo on her blog.

I split my pants and other tales from Cabbagetown.

2009-11-08T11:27:00.003-05:00

Yesterday was the annual Chomp & Stomp festival in Cabbagetown. Though I was not a first time attendee, I was a first time vendor. I have to say, this day had a few glitches in the beginning, but it was a fantastic day overall. I had to get up at 4:30 a.m. but managed to get a good 5 hours of sleep and even left the house on time! It's hard for me not to run late early in the morning. I made my way to my friend Erin's place since she was kind enough to follow me with the hand truck that she got me for my birthday (woo!) since I can't fit it in my car with my EZ Up and all of my product. She may have been regretting that around 6:30 Saturday morning...

I get to Cabbagetown Park and as I'm unloading my car, my jeans decided they'd been pushed around by my hindquarters one too many times and just couldn't hold it together any longer. So, they decided to part ways; each side of my pants that is, and I was left with a big, long rip in my jeans nearly the length of my whole butt cheek. The second the cold morning air rushed on in and my right cheek felt a slight chill, so did my spirit. You may not have been able to tell by looking at me, but I did not remain calm.

Erin & I moved our cars out of the load in area and onto a side street where I shared this lovely news with her and proceeded to get more and more stressed out thinking about the next 12 hours with a tear in my ass that had great potential of migrating down the back of my leg, leaving me with half ass-less chaps. She offered to go to my place, grab another pair of jeans and bring them back to me, which filled me with relief. While waiting for my whole pants, I leaned over and to my chagrin, the red bull I had in my front shirt pocket fell out, landed on and broke the top tier of my favorite display piece. Oh well. I felt much better once I changed into my in tact pants in the back of Erin's car before I released her back to the slumber she missed out on while helping me.

Feeling whole again, I continued to set up with the company of some nice neighbors including the lovely Sam of talulah B whose color scheme was nearly the same as mine and a very complimentary neighbor. We bartered; soap for a cool cameo cocktail ring! The weather was perfect, several of my friends visited and at times I had a line of people waiting to make their purchase as I swiped the ol' knuckle buster over people's credit cards.

Three apples and a red bull later, the sun was setting and my inventory was dwindling. While packing up in the dark, I took the opportunity to run across the park to introduce myself to my favorite local author, Hollis Gillespie, who had been swamped (as was I) with people in her booth all day. I'm sure I came off as a fast talking, hyperactive crazy person, but it was fun to meet her just the same. I had actually meant to make her a cutie pie slice stamped with "Bleachy Haired Honky Bitch" after one of her books which I love, but of course forgot to do the night before. Oh well. After a not-so-smooth-but-could've-been-a-lot-worse load out, I was home by 8 and in bed at 10:30 after an hour long nap on the couch. This morning, I am happy to report that all of my credit card entries were accepted and approved!

I have had a pretty rough few days, so I'm very thankful to have had a day filled with productivity, sales and distraction. I will probably share the emotional distress I've been filled with the last few days in a separate post. For now, I'd like to revel in the wonderful success of a mostly beautiful day and not think about the rest.

Three of three which is still four with fingers crossed for five

2009-10-23T10:59:00.004-04:00

Okay, you've waited long enough. I haven't been trying to build the anticipation by delaying the post of this, uh.. post. It's just that this third one is big. It's the biggest opportunity for me so far and because no actual soap or money has exchanged yet, I have been hesitant to make an official announcement. I'll admit that I've probably told at least ten people in the last week or so. I just can't completely hold it in.

To recap, I first posted about an opportunity that came through is a spot in Etsy's City Guide. This feature is not currently live, but when it is, I will be one of many artists included in the Atlanta section. I'm excited to see how it turns out!

The second fantastic piece of news I shared with you was when I found out that I was going to be featured in Daily Candy's fall wedding guide for Atlanta, which came out October 13th.

This is how the third one played out...

Almost two months ago I received an email from the buyer at the Harry's Farmers Market, all of whose stores were bought out by Whole Foods Markets in 2001, inquiring about my soap. She actually discovered me on etsy. (Shout out to Etsy, yo!) We emailed back and forth multiple times and eventually she sent me this 11 page vendor application packet. It took me a second to get over my intimidation. I filled it out, sent it in about a month ago and then about a week and a half ago I started to get emails showing that a vendor account had been set up for me, but without explicitly being told "you are now a WFM vendor". I admit, I got a little choked up, but still wasn't sure if I'd actually been accepted or not and had to have it spelled out for me before I understood that my soap had been accepted!

I am at the very beginning of this process and not sure what kind of timeline or volume to expect, but I. am. excited!! There will certainly be a learning curve when dealing with an organization of this size, as I am used to single or partner owned boutiques, but I am ready for the challenge and secure in my abilities. I still have that old childhood voice in my head that didn't want to announce this amazing news for fear that I may "jinx it". Then the rational sudstress Kat steps in and asks "why would an organization of this size waste their time setting up an account for a vendor with whom they do not plan to do business?" and I get all excited again. It still has yet to completely sink in.

You may remember back in August when I posted about the Etsy & Martha Stewart Weddings DIY contest that I entered. They were supposed to announce the winners on October 15th, but have yet to do so due to technical difficulties. I've got my fingers crossed to make it in their favorite etsians.

two of three, which is now four (sweet!)

2009-10-06T12:31:00.005-04:00

A little over a month ago, I wrote this blog post talking about some exciting possibilities that have come my way recently. Well, since then, a fourth press opportunity has popped up, but I'm not going to blab that one either! However, I am now ready to tell you about number two! (hee hee, number two...) *ahem* sorry.

I was approached a while back by the Atlanta editor of Daily Candy about my soap cakes. She originally asked me about the large soap cakes and floating cupcakes which are cool and beautiful, but out of production with good reason. So, I told her about my cutie pies which are an evolution of the soap cake, but with a more specific purpose; wedding favors. Of course I've sold them since as...

baby shower favors

bridal shower hostess gifts

li'l gift sets

After a couple of weeks without a yes showing up in my inbox, I thought maybe they had decided not to use me (yet, hopefully). But today I received word that they'd like to use my cutie pie favors in their wedding guide. Woo! I'm not exactly sure when it comes out, but past 'issues' have come out in the end of October.

because it's not safe to write while driving

2009-09-23T11:21:00.003-04:00

I always have these random thoughts that I'd like to explore that may or may not make for some good bloggin'. I've even started carrying around a small notebook to record those ideas so they don't disappear into the black hole that all those dreams which never get written down go. Alas, typically these ideas come while I'm driving. By the time I reach my destination... *poof* it's gone. I do remember one general idea I had though; gratitude posts.

I've been trying immersion learning. Basically, I've been trying to constantly surround myself with environments, information and people in an effort to completely overhaul my way of thinking. It's starting to gain momentum. I am easily thrown off track when things temporarily beyond my control prohibit me from getting the sleep, food or other fundamental things I need. I have found, though, that I rebound relatively quickly and that's a sign of growth. I've incorporated yoga 4-5 times per week as well as body pump 2-3 times per week. I take walks. I have introduced myself to books, cd's and dvd's that contain information that is anywhere from common sense reminders to concepts completely new to me. I find it's been and continues to be tremendously helpful.

The yoga is the greatest addition. By attending classes, it's been a way for me to block out those destructive thoughts I've had about my body since about the age of 12 and be still, practice discipline, forgiveness, non-judgement and focus on my breath and my position from my mind's eye rather than a mirror. Approaching yoga as a source of healing of body, mind, spirit is a place I've wanted to get to for a long time and am happy to finally have found an open door to that place. Off the mat, it's been tremendously helpful as well. When I'm in an uncomfortable position - like a long line, traffic, stifling humidity - I can breathe through that anger or frustration and create a better world for myself in a situation that I can't control until I can get to a better place. I've definitely not mastered this, but any relief in those situations makes a world of difference. I'm learning to create my own happiness no matter where I am.

Forgive me for this rambling post. I meant to just pop in and say "sorry for not posting, been busy, here's a picture of my cat," but I kept going. I also don't plan to re-read and edit for better composition because I don't have the time. So, I'll leave you with the intention I had for this post:

Gratitude is the open door to abundance.

Yes, I got this off of a yogi tea tag. However, it's a concept that has helped me take my focus off what is wrong or missing in my life and realize just how much there is to be thankful for. Once you start noticing, it seems like more and more amazing, beautiful things appear. This one small phrase has such a broad interpretation. I encourage you to think beyond the literal, beyond abundance meaning wealth in the form of money. I had an a-ha moment because of this phrase and I hope you will too.

Now, a picture of my cat, whose love and health I am grateful for, which I have not had the chance to edit; much like this post.

new retail location

2009-09-14T13:11:00.003-04:00

Hey my Atlanta peeps! Thanks to Jordan Chadwell, co-owner of Meringue, a beautiful fashion boutique in the Morningside neighborhood of Atlanta, for choosing to carry sudstress soaps. You can find Meringue at 1393 N. Highland Avenue across from Alon's Bakery. So far Jordan reports that people love my soap (aww, shucks) and has already sold a number of bars. If you happen to be in the neighborhood, or even if you don't, please support two independent businesses and pop in for some shopping.

Currently you can find the following scents:

black raspberry

sunshine

silk & shea

mint meditation

sale. help me make room for new soaps, please.

2009-09-06T15:30:00.005-04:00

I'm having an inventory sale on a few scents to make room for new and seasonal scents. I can't guarantee how long this sale will last, just until they run out. There aren't very many left of each, so the sooner the better. Here's what's on sale....

mocha café

white gardenia

naked

Happy discount shopping!

one of three

2009-09-01T17:25:00.003-04:00

You know how sometimes when one area of your life is going kinda crappy, the universe has a certain way of lifting your spirits by introducing exciting possibilities in other areas? Well, in the last couple of weeks, surrounding my break-up with Peter, three big possible opportunities for either wholesale or press have popped up. I will not reveal all three to you, but rather make you wait and wonder and work yourself into a tizzy with anticipation. *insert evil cackle here* I have learned over the last few years to allow myself to get excited about possible opportunities without blowing my load right off the bat, only to be crushed if and when it falls through or falls flat. With that said, nothing as big as these three has come my way before now, so I'm taking deep breaths, working hard and keeping everything crossed.

I just got home from Java Monkey where I met up with Jen Ray who has been working with Etsy this summer. She came to Atlanta to interview artists who will be featured in the upcoming Etsy City Guide, of which I am one! (I'd provide a link, but it doesn't exist yet) We had more of a conversation rather than the standard interview. We talked about soap, of course, but I rambled as I tend to when I'm nervous and we ended up talking about factory farming, bacon and people that we discovered we both knew from working in bars around Atlanta. I'm glad she recorded it, because I can't remember most of it; another unfavorable result of the nerves. We ended the interview with a short photo session wherein I babbled nervously and made awkward motions while looking anywhere but the camera. It's not that I'm uncomfortable with my picture being taken, it's just that if the specific purpose is to have a picture of me, I get all weird and don't know how to relax and act natural.

So, the feature should be out in the next month or two. I'm super excited about it and so thankful that she found me. Actually, she went to school with Maggie of Young Blood Gallery & Boutique. When Jen asked Maggie for a recommendation, she recommended me! Maggie has popped up at some of the festivals I've done over the years and they even sell my soap in the boutique. I guess networking can be more subtle and genuine than shoving your business card down people's throats and putting on a fake smile.

Speaking of Young Blood; I will be there from 7-10 p.m. this coming Thursday, selling my wares at Kraftwork. If you've never been to one, please come by. There are always several very talented artists selling all kinds of high quality, neat stuff. Here is a list of this month's participants.

we used to be something, but somethin' happened to me

2009-08-27T15:20:00.007-04:00

I figured a sad, twangy Ryan Adams would be the most appropriate for this post, though I'm finding myself relating to many a heartbreak song. My two year history with Peter has officially changed status. We've broken up. I still can't make myself change my facebook status as ridiculous that may sound. Although, to anyone who has gone through a painful breakup, I'm sure you can relate. This one is so different for me and actually caught me off guard. At the beginning, I was so terrified that he'd suddenly change his mind, call it off seemingly out of nowhere, and the rug would be pulled from under me. Well, the rug was pulled from under me but by my feelings of heartbreak over relief.

On the heels of his decision to move to Atlanta to be with me, fear and doubt, two extremely destructive things, began to creep in. I'd been fretting for the last few weeks that maybe we just couldn't relate on some very fundamental levels and it seemed that the easiest source of relief would be to end it. Every other break up for me has been a relief. I was completely done and moved on almost immediately. This one is not so. I don't understand how I can love someone and get along superbly until I return to my daily responsibilities. Perhaps in a few weeks when things sink in and I can start focusing my energies where I need to, I'll feel some release of pressure, but right now all I feel is lonely and sad.

I've been writing him letters. I'm not sure that I'll send them. His birthday is tomorrow. I feel I've failed. I have never had such ambivalence upon deciding to end a relationship. You see, he came here this past weekend and we went on a camping trip. I was consciously open to reconnecting and that's exactly what happened. We spent two nights in the mountains and genuinely enjoyed each other's company. Somehow, something happens when we're out of the woods and into daily life. Maybe it's that he so strongly reflects my shadow self:

"According to [Carl] Jung, the shadow, in being instinctive and irrational, is prone to project: turning a personal inferiority into a perceived .. deficiency in someone else."

I think there are basic differences in our perspectives that make living daily life together a struggle and I have no way to know whether we could get past them if I didn't unintentionally sabotage (oxymoron, I know) our relationship by turning into a neurotic control freak (exaggerating a little here) where he couldn't do anything right by my standards. I have seen some ugly parts of myself and not only do I still have this work to do on myself - in or out of the relationship - but I feel so empty on top of it. Perhaps that's a small price to pay for clarity over confusion. At least now I'm only troubled rather than troubled and indecisive.

We had a really special, unique, magical, adventurous, amazing run of it for a while. I have my theories on what went wrong and what changed, but I can't force myself to grow as a person any faster than I am able and I guess I'm just going to have to be okay with that. I have a feeling that I'm also going to have to be okay with the fact that this appears to be much more difficult for me to let go of than it is for him. At least that's the way it appears to me. I'm used to being the one who gets over it easily; but what is pride when your heart is broken?

I have nothing more to say.

I have endless things to say.

It's a hard way to fall.

This ain't the easy way down.

It's a hard thing to love anyone, anyhow.

presenting...

2009-08-02T19:22:00.007-04:00

custom cutie pie soap slices

I've finally come up with the perfect wedding favor soap. I was on the verge of this idea when this contest surfaced. Please view and comment on my entry. Mark is my brother and Melissa is his wife. They're such a positive example for me that it seemed only fitting to use their names.

Each slice weighs approximately one ounce and will be available presented in either an organza bag or white box with affixed label. Presentation and packaging photos still to come..

I will make available several versions of this. I will be offering whole cutie pies (pre-sliced if desired) for under $15, including gift packaging. Also, I will offer 4 slice gift packs for about $6.50 - pictures coming soon.

sale! SALE!

2009-07-31T17:14:00.002-04:00

This weekend, take 15% off your entire purchase in my etsy shop, no matter how big or small. There are quite a few brand new goodies that I've recently listed. Come take a look! (please) Discount will be applied as a paypal refund before items ship on Monday morning.

Etsy
Buy Handmade
Sudstress

ta-da!

2009-07-29T17:16:00.002-04:00

drum roll please.............

HERE it is!

Please comment on it if you feel so inclined. It would make my day.

look out!

2009-07-28T00:11:00.003-04:00

I am to be the featured artisan on Art Fire this Wednesday, July 29th. I answered several interview questions a couple of months ago and have completely forgotten what I said except that I mentioned Neko Case. I'm sure if I were to answer the questions again, they might be slightly different, as I'm sure they would for anyone. I'm very excited to see what happens. I've been focusing most of my energy on Etsy for my online sales and I'd like to see if I can make Art Fire work for me. Starting with exposure would certainly be an appropriate first step. I will post a link to the interview no matter how ridiculous my answers seem in retrospect.

Sudstress

Buy Handmade

teaser

2009-07-19T10:34:00.003-04:00

I've been working on a little something for this collaborative contest between martha stewart weddings (dot com) and etsy. I am not giving it away yet, but this might be the cutest soap I've ever made. It is a new take on, and combination of several things I've done in the past, but now they are coming together in a way that I think is perfect for this contest. I wish I could upload the picture right now, but it is too soon.... I have until September 1 to submit.

As you probably know, I am without traditional job and any sort of exposure through martha stewart would be h u g e.

I also have some other big news of a decision I made recently. The time is not right to announce that either. Sorry. This post has been one big tease.

clankin' around in my noggin

2009-07-12T14:57:00.005-04:00

custom wholesale soap

chocolate raspberry soap cake custom made for a bridal shower

tomato, pumice, clay, lemongrass, rosemary & clary sage gardener's herbal scrub soap

more sensual calendula petal - one of my favorites

silk & shea re-design

Gah! I've been meaning and meaning to write. You can rest assured that when there's nothing going on in my blog that there are all sorts of things happening my real life. I've been wrestling with several major issues lately and have been trying to sort them out. If you could see my thoughts, they'd probably resemble the aftermath of a tornado and I've spared all but those I need to help me through them. There are no quick fixes, I just have to trudge on through.

One major speedbump is that I quit my job about two months ago when I decided to permanently leave bartending after 14 years in the industry with no real plan on what to do next. It's obviously been and continues to be a huge transition for me even though I sort of glossed over it in a previous post. Then, three days after I quit, Neko died, overshadowing everything leaving me feeling as though the rug had been pulled out from under me. Every other day, I get this feeling like someone is wringing out my intestines when I remember how permanent death is. I've also been feeling isolated and disconnected as a result, which is strange because I love alone time and value it as highly as food, water and sleep. I'm an odd contradiction. My apologies for being so vague and so brief for those that might actually want to know what's clankin' around in my noggin.

Today I took a ton of pictures of soap that will be finished curing soon, so I'll share a couple with you and then come back later (maybe today, maybe not) to elaborate, vent, wax philosophical or just brag about my soap.

awww yeaaaaah

2009-06-20T19:35:00.004-04:00

My lavender patchouli mineral bath salts have been featured in the etsy weekend deals! If you've been meaning to order but just haven't gotten around to it, now is the time. I'm having a sale this weekend where all orders will receive a 15% discount 15% as well as a free blissful body oil sample, unless of course you order the blissful body oil, then you'll get a soap sample. Not only that, but three lucky customers will receive 50% off (via PayPal refund) when I draw three names at random on Sunday at midnight. Just write "RELAX" in the Message to Seller to receive your discount and sample. Discount will be refunded via PayPal and you never know if you might just be one of the lucky ones to get half off your order!

Also, my goal of passing 300 sales by July 1 is almost accomplished. If you're so inclined, head over to my etsy shop and grab some soaps that are on sale.

Father's Day draws nigh

2009-06-15T11:57:00.003-04:00

As part of the Etsy weekend deals in which I was featured, I've decided to extend the free customization of my after hours man soap where I will stamp either "Dad" or the name of your choice into both sides of the soap at the top so it shows when packaged.

here is what the stamped names look like

here is the soap they will be stamped into

All you have to do when you buy the soap is let me know the name you would like imprinted into your soap in the "notes to seller" section when ordering. I ship within 24 hours of receipt of payment and usually the same day. It's not too late!

kreativ blogger award, take 2

2009-06-13T12:03:00.003-04:00

The honor of the Kreativ Blogger Award has been bestowed upon me not once, but twice! (wOOt) Thank you so much to Jo of The Soap Bar and Tiggy from Future Primitive who have both named me as one of their recipients. As if it's not already enough that these lovely ladies' blogs already send me quite a bit of traffic, they both go and brighten my day. I think that because I received it twice, I'm allowed to include some honorable mentions.

Here are the rules of the award:
1. The winner may put the logo on his/her blog.
2. Put a link to the person you got the award from.
3. List seven things you love.
4. List seven blogs you love.
5. Leave a message for your nominees.

Seven Things that I Love:

all things soap
animals
hiking and camping in the mountains
activity, whether running, biking, walking, gyming...
swings of all kinds - porch swings, swingset swings, etc.
my family - some by blood, others by choice
unseasonably cool days that remind me of a northern summer

Honorable Mentions:

great music ( neko case, ryan adams, great lake swimmers, nick drake )
riding my bike around on summer nights when it stays light out till almost 10:00
the smell of pine needles

Seven Blogs that I Love (that I think will also do this challenge):

Jimiyo has long been one of my favorite blogs to read. Not only is he ridiculously talented and creative, but also very insightful and hilarious.
Haunt I hope Erin will have a chance to do this award challenge. Her blog has been mainly shipping updates lately, but I'm telling you, this woman makes the most fantastically beautiful soaps and her branding is pretty awesome.
Hansen Soap Co. is one of my fellow etsy SAFE team members. I've tried my hand at melt and pour soaps and I'll tell you, it is not an easy medium to work with. This woman makes some absolutely gorgeous creations and has just jumped into the wonderful world of cold process soap making.
bloom, grow, love is the photography blog of Alicia Bock. I've been a big fan of her photography since I first saw it on etsy about two years ago. She's an amazing talent and her blog posts are often as soft and romantic as her images.
( inside a black apple ) I discovered this blog while making an etsy treasury based on my love for neko case. When you do a search with the word neko on etsy, you'll find a lot of cat stuff and this. Her art is amazing.
Rachel's Studio Blog is another art blog. I actually won a giveaway from her and it's a beautiful painting. Her blog is cool because many times you get to vote on what she'll paint next.
miss monster. You just have to see it for yourself.

Honorable Mentions:

godmachine - amazing talent with a grotesque sort of style

light wading for the unadventurous - knitting, kitties

for lack of a better word - fantastic writings

Now I must deliver the awards via blog comments.

cravings

2009-06-10T10:54:00.003-04:00

I never got those pms - chocolate craving references. I sort of always thought they had some undertones of misogyny in a Cathy Cartoon (barf) kind of way that relies on stereotypes for its humor, and I use humor loosely here. I mean, I like chocolate, but I could probably live the rest of my life without it and be okay. As it turns out, though my affinity for the kind of chocolate you eat may be lacking, it is certainly in abundance for the kind you wash with. That's right, deep, dark, chocolate soap! Seriously, would you expect anything less from me by now?

at the risk of sounding...

2009-06-08T18:43:00.006-04:00

When Phoebe died in October of 2005, that evening a small vase on a small table in the kitchen where she spent a lot of time sitting, fell over. My mom had been visiting and we both heard it, as we were standing about 10 feet away. There was no movement, no breeze, no vibration; it just fell over from complete stillness. I got goose-bumps and I knew the energy of her little spirit passed through one last time to say goodbye. When Neko died, I was sort of expecting the same thing, one last little sign to say goodbye, never to be heard from again.

On the night Neko died, I spent the evening with my friend and neighbor, as upon returning to my apartment with an empty cat carrier, I found that I could not bear the silence of his absence; he was a rambunctious, talkative little guy. During those hours, I periodically checked in on Lilly to give her some petting, and I found the little fuzzy ball that Neko and I had played catch/fetch with the night before, the ball that had been sitting on the floor, now was sitting right in the middle of the couch. I returned it to the spot on the floor where it had been earlier and returned to my neighbor's place. When I came back a second time, there it was again, right in the middle of the couch, and once more, I returned it to the same spot on the floor. When I came home a third time, it remained on the floor. The next day I picked up Neko's cremated remains and upon returning home, there was the ball, one last time, sitting in the middle of the couch. I was thankful to have one more little sign. I know it was most likely Lilly who put it there, but that is uncharacteristic of her, which makes me think somehow the energy from his little spirit influenced her to do so.

Three nights ago, I fell asleep around 3:30 a.m. I've been avoiding getting into bed since that's the time that I can not avoid feeling a deep sense of loss, remembering him curled up next to my pillow every night and the last morning I woke up to him. Around 5, I woke to the sound of a single meow; startled, my eyes shot open and I saw the black, fuzzy shadow of a cat leaping across the ceiling. Again, it is very uncharacteristic for Lilly to meow at all, let alone one single outburst loud enough to wake me. As I thought about it the next day, it sure seemed like a little visit from beyond.

The day after, I went thrift store shopping for display pieces and came across a painting which at first I thought was an owl perched on a branch. As I looked at it more carefully, I saw that it was a cat sitting atop a post. The longer I looked at it the more undecided I became about whether I was looking at an owl or a cat, even though the nose was clearly that of a cat. I've always said that Neko looked like an owl with his tremendous smoky scruff and big yellow eyes. I even called him my little panther-owl. The reason this struck me as significant is not just because of that, but about a week before Neko died, I was up late in relative silence and heard an owl hooting from outside my window and decided to look up owl folklore. There is an endless list of what it means to hear an owl hoot, but I decided on Polish folklore as my father hails from Poland, and here is what I read:

"Poland: Polish folklore links Owls with death. Girls who die unmarried turn into doves; girls who are married when they die turn into Owls.
An owl cry heard in or near a home usually meant impending death, sickness, or other misfortune.
An old story tells how the Owl does not come out at during the day because it is too beautiful, and would be mobbed by other, jealous birds."

Reading that kind of freaked me out, but I didn't take it very seriously. Honestly, I thought maybe my father's time was near. A few days after Neko's death, I heard that owl hooting once again outside my window and haven't heard him since. I grew up greatly influenced by the Native American spiritual practices of my mother, so between this and the time a couple of years ago when an owl swooped down and flew right over the windshield of my car giving me a close up view of its spotted underbelly and large wing span as it headed into a wooded area on the other side of the street; I felt like the owl had something to teach me. When an animal presents itself a few times, with the possible exception of squirrels, or perhaps presents itself in an unusual way, I look into the lessons that animal has to teach based on what it represents. The "owl teaches the ability to extract secrets from within, so listen carefully". I have been feeling very lost and unable to find the answers within myself that tell me what is the right direction. I have been listening to the superficial chatter in my head that is based on fear for far too long and it is time that I learn to listen to that deeper voice that only silence and patience can help me to hear.

There is magic everywhere in the universe, it's just difficult to find sometimes, especially in times of death and loss. I have some lessons to learn that I had been avoiding and Neko's death has forced me to face them. I think it's normal for people to look for meaning in the untimely death of a loved one, whether it be a human or furry companion. For me, in the silence of Neko's absence, it's now time for me to listen.

a little better than before

2009-06-03T11:29:00.006-04:00

When I found out that Brazilian Rosewood was endangered due to its key role in the perfume industry and farming, I decided not to use it. The sad thing is, I'd gone through about 16 ounces of it before I happened upon this discovery, as it was not my suppliers who made this information available. None of my suppliers made it known and they still carried it and one still does. *email sent* This species has been on the CITES endangered list since 1992, yet "finished goods" from the Rosewood tree are completely legal even if obtained outside the law, based on what I've read. I have found sustainable Rosewood, but am sad that irresponsible harvesting is still supported. There is just no substitute for this amazing oil and I can't imagine never being able to smell it again. From Herbal Gram - The Journal of the American Botanical Council:

"There have been numerous efforts to find alternative sources of linalool. Many have been found which are suitable for various consumer products; however, the linalool from rosewood is irreplaceable for perfumery, at least with respect to efforts to maintain the original formula for some market leaders like Chanel No. 5. This is due to the unique combination of percentages of (+) and (-) linalool. A major part of linalool used commercially for various purposes (home products, some lower-cost perfumes) is synthetic, and a racemic mixture of (+) and (-) isomers. What gives rosewood essential oil its unique smell is the unique combination of the percentages of the (+) and (–) isomers, which are difficult to obtain via commercial synthesis or from alternative plant sources. This means that in terms of conservation, major commercial users need to use the synthetic and alternative natural sources, while those that for whatever reason still must use the original essential oil must invest in sustainable management of existing rosewood trees as well as reforestation of new trees. (E. Elisabetsky, e-mail, July 7, 2006.)"

"Some scientists, meanwhile, have noted that natural rosewood oil can be obtained through sustainable means. Stems and leaves of rosewood trees also produce an oil rich in linalool, meaning that distillation of these regenerative tree parts can derive the fragrant oil previously extracted only from the destruction of full rosewood trees.³ AVIVE plans to employ just such methods in the production of its own rosewood-scented products (B. Schmal, e-mail, March 13, 2006). For this purpose, the women of AVIVE have planted and are tending a plantation of 2,000 young rosewoods. They have further engaged in partnerships with Precious Woods Amazon, a supplier of sustainably sourced exotic wood, and with land owners in their district, which has resulted in cooperative management of forest areas and has enabled AVIVE’s sustainable use of those areas’ non-wood forest products."

On a related note, I'm also happy to report that I get my Palm Oil from a supplier who sells RSPO certified Palm. You can read more here.

All the problems are not solved, but with each step, we get closer and closer to leaving a smaller footprint. Now that you're conscious and aware, I'd like to introduce the new organic carrot juice & fair trade shea butter facial bar with sustainable Rosewood, Patchouli and Tea Tree.

sweeeeet!

2009-05-31T01:04:00.006-04:00

I was on a sugar kick earlier this month. I made blue sugar with too much water mixed into my kaolin clay, giving it that old paint crackle look that reminds me of an old country home,

then I made brown sugar which moved so fast on me that I had to hot process it, and it just happened to come out looking like a big, glorious hunk of yummy, sweet brown sugar crystals,

then I made pink sugar which came out pretty much as planned.

Yow, I have a sweet tooth and since I try to avoid the kind you eat, I make the kind you can smell and slather all over your body...

next post: carrot juice, shea butter facial bar

ragamushroom

2009-05-30T18:35:00.005-04:00

I have been spending a lot of time with Lilly since Neko is no longer here to harass her. She will not enter my bedroom, which is a new thing. She slept next to me the night Neko died, but since then, will not stay on the bed when I bring her in there each night. She used to spend a fair amount of time in there, but perhaps now the room is filled with his spirit, still spending each night with me. I have not slept well since his death. I get to the point where I can't keep my eyes open on the couch, but once my head hits the pillow on my bed, I am wide awake, reliving the day of his death. I hope time will eventually allow me to fall asleep with a sense of peace first rather than loss.

Lilly is not as sleek as Neko was, but rather a raggedy, easily matted fluffball no matter how much I brush her. Her shape is also a bit mushroom-like when she sits, and so I nicknamed her "ragamushroom" (ragamuffin +mushroom) but is also known as Lilly, Lillygirl, my little muffin top, mushroom, ragamuffin, ragamushroom, etc. She, like Neko, shows her belly often, but will attack if said belly is rubbed. Neko didn't mind so much.

safe and welcomed

2009-05-30T14:32:00.004-04:00

I have officially been included as a member of the etsy SAFE team this month. "The SAFE Team (Soap Artisan Friends of Etsy) is a group of soapmakers committed to excellence and best manufacturing practices on etsy. We are open to soapers of all levels, from the hobbyist to the well-established seller, including those who create other bath & body products such as lotions, balms, butters and sprays. We continually strive to perfect our craft and educate ourselves and others about the best practices a soaper must follow both to remain in compliance with FDA laws and to ensure quality products. We are a team that takes great pride in our craft – as it is a blend of both science and art.

We are also friends. As such, we value and insist upon respect for all members. We are a world-wide group and run the spectrum of beliefs, cultures, and political leanings, so opinions and personalities will differ - this is expected and respected. We ask that everyone is treated with courtesy and kindness."

I was welcomed in true soaper fashion, much like I was on the soapy internet forum I have been a member of and active on for a handful of years. Right around the same time that my provisional membership ended and my permanent membership began, Neko died. It was then that the team's true colors really shined and I was offered much consolation both on their public thread and privately. It's a thread newly weaved into my support system and I am thankful and proud to be a part of it. There are some talented people from all over who are a part of this team. I'm tentatively going to be a part of a collaborative blog post on the team's blog site and am very much looking forward to it. wOOt! SAFEteam.

way to go, pharmaceutical companies. you must be so proud.

2009-05-24T12:46:00.004-04:00

Maybe it's because of my recent loss that everything seems so trivial. Maybe I have some anger along with my grief and sadness and I don't want to direct it at a person, so something like this gets me riled up.

I pay $150 a month for my health insurance that carries a $10,000 deductible with 6 doctor visits a year at a $40 co-pay. My premium goes up by $30 per month every year with no relief in sight. I have a pre-existing condition if I ever try to change plans and may be forced to make a choice in treatment that I don't feel comfortable with because it is the only one I can afford and Fing people with no real problems are using prescription coverage for THIS?

I understand that there are many cosmetic procedures that have a large impact on self image and quality of life, but this is Fing ridiculous. Maybe it's that I can't escape my pain in the silence of my home and when I try to drown it out with television, and the pain just bubbles up in another manner, because this really pisses me off.