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Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Definition by default.

I am constantly trying to define myself.  Whether for myself or for others, I'm unsure.  How do I know anyone else really wants to know anyway?  I suppose by making an attempt in a public medium, I'll soon find out.  Where do I start, with how I earn a living? ..that seems to be the starting point for most people.  I suppose it defines me, not so much that I fit the image of what people think of when they think of a bartender, but that it provides me the time and money to incorporate the things that I value into my life.  I can run or ride my bike almost any day of the week whether I have to work or not.  I don't sit in rush hour traffic unless I get a late start running errands. I work about half the hours of an average American work week and earn a suitable living for a single person.  I don't stand in line at the grocery store.  Sometimes I achieve an aerobic state while I'm working.  I can take more than two weeks vacation in a year.  I can joke around and have fun at my job and earn more money by doing so.  At the same time, I defy you to pigeonhole me into the bartender stereotype.  I don't steal, I have never done cocaine, I am not interested in ripping people off.  I am honest and am not interested in money I didn't earn (not that I'd turn down a winning lottery ticket).  I don't do shots of Jagermeister or Grand Marnier.  I don't smoke.  I do, however, drunk-text/email after too much wine.  What can I say, it makes me loopy. 

I can't help but feel I'm running out of time to choose another career destination as I've entered my thirties.  I'm good at my job, at times I even love it, but I don't want to do it forever.  I love a lot of things about it, so I refuse to get what many have referred to as a "real job" if I have no passion for one.  My job is just as real as anyone else's and I can back that statement with a stack of applications filled out by people already in possession of those "real jobs".  Still, it's not what I want to be doing when I'm 50.  I try to be patient with myself and not put undue pressure on myself just because I've officially lost my youth.  I started bartending as a way to put myself through college and have worked several second jobs/internships since obtaining my B.A., but none have captivated me for longer than a year until I discovered soap.  When I graduated I took a trip to Alaska, bought some handmade soap as gifts, kept most of it for myself, long story short...  I have been making soap suds when I'm not pouring suds for the last several years and with every batch I make, I become more involved and passionate about it.   Etsy (and all things handmade) is my latest obsession...  I encourage you to take a look beyond my store and explore their unique, trendsetting site.  It's truly amazing and I believe in putting my money in the pockets of individual creators rather than into the overstuffed pockets of big companies where mere pennies trickle down into the pocket of an 8 year old in Taiwan who worked all day so that I could have my purse for cheap.


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