moving forward

I've had enough adrenaline and cortisol production for one week, so I'd like to move on and change the subject. Not sure if any of you have followed the story of me and Peter, but if you have, the last you heard, we had broken up. The thing is, we still were talking every day and not really doing any of the things you do in a break up to move past the person you've broken up with. It didn't feel like the solution we were looking for and neither of us were satisfied leaving it at that. It took me some time, but it actually was the step back I needed to take in order to move forward. That initial hormone laden, idealistic fairy tale, sparkles and fireworks period had worn off and I was left with the same great person, but in human form. This was a barrier I'd not yet been able to break through.

At the same time I was feeling this, he was about to move in with me from across the country and so I freaked. I think anyone with a history of retreating in the face of sustained intimacy would've had the same reaction. However, as we continued to talk and I continued to work on my fears and challenge myself, I turned a corner from the perspective of fear and flight to one of looking forward to an exciting challenge that brings with it amazing rewards that I have yet to experience in this lifetime and would certainly regret missing out on.

So, we decided to take another camping trip and see where that would lead us. Western North Carolina is beginning to become a tradition for us and it's one of my favorite places. Unfortunately we couldn't hike much because my knee was still swollen. Hence, the knee brace and mini-trampoline.






Aside from one major point of contention regarding bear safety during a period of 24 hours of rain, it was a great trip. Not only that, but the time we spent at home living daily life was completely different than last time when I was having my freak out. I didn't feel crowded or that my personal space was being invaded, but rather, I felt content and excited to come home to him after my daily errands. Coming home with him here was like a exhaling after a deep, satisfying breath of clean air.

After all of those days and nights struggling with whether I was ready for this kind of relationship, waffling between moving forward and moving on, wishing the decision could just be taken out of my hands, only after I'd found resolution, it was. Ironically, after I felt that indeed I was ready, still a bit scared, but able and willing to take on this new and exciting challenge, the fairy tale wore off for Peter and he was left with the same great person adorned in all of her humanity.

The dilemma was that Peter has dreamed of working in major motion pictures since he was a kid. He even went to school for it and worked in several aspects of production. For his whole life, the story in his head began in Los Angeles. All of the sudden, he was faced with the same feeling that I had not too long ago, that time was running out for him to get a start and if he made the "wrong" choice, that he'd always be looking over his shoulder wondering how things might have been. He was torn between me and L.A. with the idea that his career and a relationship with me were mutually exclusive.

I spent about a year (one week in real time) giving him space to figure out what the right decision was for him. I was in limbo. I let him know that I wanted to move forward with our relationship, but that I wanted even more for him to make a decision that he felt good about. It was important to me that he could feel as though he would be moving forward rather than like he was sacrificing something so important. If his decision meant that we really break up for good, I told him I'd be sad but I was sure that we would both be okay no matter what. The difficult part for me was that I couldn't start the difficult process of mourning the relationship, nor could I fantasize about our future together because both were a possibility and all I could do was wait. How long I could stay sane doing this was to be determined. Fortunately for me, after about a week and some conversations between him and his friends in L.A. who are in the business, he decided to commit to Atlanta for a year and re-evaluate then. Neither he nor I see ourselves in Atlanta permanently, but with my soap business growing locally, I feel I need to stay here for a while and cultivate it before transplanting it someplace else.

His thought was to be here permanently in time for Christmas, however my mom will be visiting for a couple of weeks and that would definitely be a full house. I haven't seen my mom in about three years, an amount of time that I feel is shameful and I'm thoroughly looking forward to spending time with her. So, it may be that Peter moves here after the first of the year. I am by no means suggesting that my mom's visit will foil my plans, please don't read it that way. My whole relationship with Peter has been a constant lesson in patience. You could say I have my yellow belt in patience. Besides the fact that time is flying by as my soap flies out the door during the holiday season, I enjoy the anticipation of exciting events and it's really not that far away. I'm looking forward to ringing in the new year with my mom and my man.

Fraud Alert

This woman and I entered into a wholesale NOT private label agreement wherein she would sell Sudstress soaps that I have spent the last 5 years developing, photographing, branding and trademarking. As it turns out, she has been selling them under fraudulent pretenses and claiming that she spent the years, sweat, blood and tears that I have creating a product and brand. She is NOT a member of the handcrafted soapmaker's guild, though I am, and has fraudulently used their logo on her blog. I guess it's another earmark of success, but it's infuriating none the less. Here is the blog in which she has stolen all of my pictures, sans packaging, my website and etsy content word for word:

http://www.thewrightsoap.blogspot.com/

She's since taken it down per my request but stated in her last email that I've ruined her good name and that she is going to keep the site for her new soap shop. Her initial emails inquired if the soaps would be greasy because of all the oils used, which indicates that she knows nothing of the basic chemistry behind soapmaking. Based on her latest email, she recommends that I copyright my photos and protect my soap (and perhaps I should) like she "did as soon as (she) came up with a recipe as good as (mine)" ...apparently now she makes soap? Here are the screen shots of her blog, from which she still intends to sell soap. Whose it is and whether she will claim to have made it remains to be seen.






The difference between a private label agreement and falsely claiming to be the manufacturer doesn't seem to exist in this woman's mind. She seems to think that because Sudstress is trademarked, that's where the problem lies. That would be the case if she made soap herself and tried to sell it under the Sudstress name. She had permission to sell my soap until I found out that she was claiming to have made it herself.

I split my pants and other tales from Cabbagetown.

Yesterday was the annual Chomp & Stomp festival in Cabbagetown. Though I was not a first time attendee, I was a first time vendor. I have to say, this day had a few glitches in the beginning, but it was a fantastic day overall. I had to get up at 4:30 a.m. but managed to get a good 5 hours of sleep and even left the house on time! It's hard for me not to run late early in the morning. I made my way to my friend Erin's place since she was kind enough to follow me with the hand truck that she got me for my birthday (woo!) since I can't fit it in my car with my EZ Up and all of my product. She may have been regretting that around 6:30 Saturday morning...

I get to Cabbagetown Park and as I'm unloading my car, my jeans decided they'd been pushed around by my hindquarters one too many times and just couldn't hold it together any longer. So, they decided to part ways; each side of my pants that is, and I was left with a big, long rip in my jeans nearly the length of my whole butt cheek. The second the cold morning air rushed on in and my right cheek felt a slight chill, so did my spirit. You may not have been able to tell by looking at me, but I did not remain calm.

Erin & I moved our cars out of the load in area and onto a side street where I shared this lovely news with her and proceeded to get more and more stressed out thinking about the next 12 hours with a tear in my ass that had great potential of migrating down the back of my leg, leaving me with half ass-less chaps. She offered to go to my place, grab another pair of jeans and bring them back to me, which filled me with relief. While waiting for my whole pants, I leaned over and to my chagrin, the red bull I had in my front shirt pocket fell out, landed on and broke the top tier of my favorite display piece. Oh well. I felt much better once I changed into my in tact pants in the back of Erin's car before I released her back to the slumber she missed out on while helping me.

Feeling whole again, I continued to set up with the company of some nice neighbors including the lovely Sam of talulah B whose color scheme was nearly the same as mine and a very complimentary neighbor. We bartered; soap for a cool cameo cocktail ring! The weather was perfect, several of my friends visited and at times I had a line of people waiting to make their purchase as I swiped the ol' knuckle buster over people's credit cards.

Three apples and a red bull later, the sun was setting and my inventory was dwindling. While packing up in the dark, I took the opportunity to run across the park to introduce myself to my favorite local author, Hollis Gillespie, who had been swamped (as was I) with people in her booth all day. I'm sure I came off as a fast talking, hyperactive crazy person, but it was fun to meet her just the same. I had actually meant to make her a cutie pie slice stamped with "Bleachy Haired Honky Bitch" after one of her books which I love, but of course forgot to do the night before. Oh well. After a not-so-smooth-but-could've-been-a-lot-worse load out, I was home by 8 and in bed at 10:30 after an hour long nap on the couch. This morning, I am happy to report that all of my credit card entries were accepted and approved!

I have had a pretty rough few days, so I'm very thankful to have had a day filled with productivity, sales and distraction. I will probably share the emotional distress I've been filled with the last few days in a separate post. For now, I'd like to revel in the wonderful success of a mostly beautiful day and not think about the rest.