It's Been Too Long Since I Gave You Aural Pleasure.

SeeqPod - Playable Search

For my birthday, Peter sent me a package which included several mixed cds.  They were not in fact the "mixed tapes" you remember from high school, but rather a collection of a whole lot of bad ass songs that he thought would make me happy to rock out to on the way to work or provide a good backdrop for whenever.

I love finding good new music, but usually I have to accidentally hear it and then seek out the artist.  Rarely do I put forth a whole lot of effort looking for it.  So having four cds with lots of great music was like shooting fish in a barrel.  There are a few songs off the first one that I really liked.  They sounded familiar, but turned out they were not who I expected.

The first song reminded me of The Ravonettes, but is in fact a band called Clinic.  The second one, I could've sworn was Cold War Kids.  Nope, it's Devandra Banhart.  The Raconteurs song impressed me as I really couldn't get into their first cd, but everything I've been hearing lately by them is doing it for me.  And finally, I heard that accompanying voice and immediately recognized it as belonging to Beth Orton; a voice I love but can often be boring on her own albums.  Plus, the lyrics to this one are so simple and romantic, it gets to me.

Wow.  In my You Tube search for Beth Orton, I found a Ryan Adams cover of a Beth Orton song.  Sweet, bad ass bonus points for me!

Thanksgiving Forecast: Mostly Happy With A 20% Chance of Loneliness.

Usually Thanksgiving and Christmas come and go without me feeling sad or lonely.  This year, however, having seen my brother for just one day last week, the sum total of our annual time together, my mom off to Utah and out of cell phone service for a special Thanksgiving and everyone's updates on Facebook surrounding the topic of being home and around family, I feel a certain void.  Granted, I am going to be spending the evening with wonderful people that I don't get to see as often as I'd like, I am still feeling homesick for people, as I have no "back home", really.  My mom lives in Albuquerque, my brother and his wife live in Boston, my boyfriend lives in California with no next visit planned and things feel a little empty.

Don't be mistaken, I have been feeling positive and productive about life in general, it's just that sometimes when things slow down and everyone takes a break for quality time that I made no effort to do myself, it gets quiet and quiet leads to contemplation.  It's really no time for me to be buying a plane ticket, quite honestly, but I'd still jump online to do just that the second I knew when I could see Peter again.  Video chats can only do so much for a person.

Tomorrow, I will be thankful to be around several friends who always make me laugh, in a warm, beautiful home with great food, wine and several rounds of Rock Band.  I will feel happy and fulfilled, and there will also be a part of me that wants so badly to be sharing that with Peter. 

Two years ago, I met up with my mom, brother and sister in law in Boulder, CO for Thanksgiving.  We went hiking and saw the most amazing sky I've ever seen.  It's amazing how things have changed and stayed the same since then.

Just when you think...

If you read my recent 'All Better... Almost' post in which I shared an unflattering to say the least sick picture of me and compared it with a healthier me, then you know that I have Graves Disease and it's been out of remission.  Well, it's time for my blood work to see how my levels have gone down and to adjust medication if need be..  only I can't find the paper work.  Last time this happened, I went waaaaaaaaaaaay too long before getting my blood work done and ended up medicating myself into hypothyroid, which is less dangerous for your body, but insanely damaging psychologically and emotionally.  I fell into a chemical depression that was previously unknown to me.  I never want to experience that again.  I had complete apathy about living.  Honestly, I didn't care.  I even thought it would be easier to just get hit by a bus or something; it was a very dangerous mental state in which to be.  You can rest assured that I am about to search my apartment high and low for that paperwork.  

In health-ifying my body with the thyroid blocking medication, I can feel a vast difference.  Once the medication brought my levels down enough, I started to get some of my strength back at the gym, my hands stopped shaking, I'm not breathless all of the time, my resting heart rate went back down to normal (it was about 90!!! before going on medication), the loss of equilibrium/dizziness has subsided, the other day I was able to run for about 15 minutes without my heart exploding and of course, I've put the 8 pounds back on.

Here's my sick dilemma.  When I was sick, I finally felt comfortable in my clothes, even though the weight I lost was muscle.  Somehow, it took the edge off as I've always felt just a size too large my whole life.  Once the medication started to work, I put those 8 pounds back on in a matter of about two weeks.  I'm back to "normal" but the fact remains that gaining that much weight in such a short time - healthy weight or not - makes me feel like I want to jump out of my skin.  I feel like I'm squishing out of all of my clothing just because I got used to it falling off of me.  Granted I am tremendously stronger at the gym, where I can quantify my strength, I still feel like a tub-O-lard when I get dressed.  It angers me that the only time I can think of recently where I felt okay about my body was when it was destroying itself, but my face looked like Skeletor.  Is it possible to be a woman in this country and not have body image issues?  I am trying to focus my energy on fighting insecurity rather than being at war with my body.  I still have a long way to go.

With all of this in mind, last night I had a customer who has been in a few times recently and after he closed out, I found a note on the back of his credit card slip, on which he had tipped me $50.  It said "you are astonishingly beautiful.  I hope you have big dreams and if you do follow them."  There was more, but this is the most relevant to my situation.  I think he overheard me talking with one of my co-workers who judges women pretty harshly and I asked if I fell into a category he has that was unflattering.  I was also talking about my soap and how I'm working to make a solid brand image and working to make it grow in relation to my desire to get out of the bar industry within the next couple of years, and my fears of not being able to do so.  It's absolutely heartening when a complete stranger makes an effort to encourage you for no reason other than to encourage you.  Thanks Steve.

Branding.

I need your help, peeps.  I'm working on a marketing exercise in order to get a better idea of what impression people already have of my soap/company in comparison/contrast to the image I'd like for people to have.  One of the questions, which seems easy upon first inspection, is:

"How would your friends describe sudstress?"

Well, I'm not exactly sure, so I'm asking you all (at least ;jimiyo, Holly and Kim) to tell me.  I know this blog tends to be more about me than the soap itself, but I'd really like an honest word/words/sentence(s) based on your perception of Sudstress the brand, as it is.  If you read this blog even close to regularly but have never commented, please feel free to chime in as I would love some feedback.  If you need to, take a look at my website and then come back and comment.  I really appreciate your help!  Also, I will change my settings to allow anonymous comments, so if you've tried to comment before and couldn't, you can now and in the future.

Nobody Enjoys Going to the Dentist.

This morning, I endured another couple of hours in the dentist's chair.  It was part two of a filling that needed replacing (for the third time!) lasting about two hours.  I know anyone can relate to the chills that the drill sends down one's spine.  Even when I can't feel it, I can still feel the vibration and hear the high pitched squeal and don't forget, smell the tooth/filling dust.   Blech!  This, however, is work that can not be put off or ignored, as it will just become a more painful and expensive (did I mention that I have no dental insurance?) situation if not resolved now.  Fortunately, I have a fantastic dentist whose staff, including herself, is kind, gentle, knowledgeable and does everything in their power to do a solid job as well as make you feel at ease and avoid unnecessary pain.  If you're anywhere near Atlanta and in need of a good dentist who is not scary, go to Dr. Nancy Stewart in Decatur.

Woo Hoo!

I just met with Shirlyn at Melrose on Ponce to show samples of my soap and let her sniff them all thinking I'd leave some with her so she could try it out and see if she would like to carry it in her shop.  Guess what!?!  She's givin' it a whirl.  I will be delivering about 50 bars of soap, 12 Sugar Scrubs and 4 gift sets to her on Monday.  If you're in Atlanta, go check out her shop, it's adorable.  I was already a customer before I became a vendor.  Of course my spot in her store largely depends on whether it sells, so here's to hope :)

All Better... Almost.

I can't get drunk anymore.  Too many ounces of Jameson made it into my stomach last Tuesday, and though I had a really great time overall, it took its toll.  It took me two days to shake off wanting to crawl into a hole until the feeling of impending doom wore off.  Immediately proceeding my recovery, I got "the crud", also known as a stupid cold.  

Witness:

Matt has stolen countless pairs of bike socks from me, it's time he gave back.

I promptly put those socks on my hands and stole my friend's beer.

I received the gift of hope.

Until now, it's been never that a politician has inspired hope in me and though I know the tough times are far from over, I believe that we will see many changes that will lead us in a positive direction.  The renewed air of hope and respect toward the United States that Obama's victory has invoked in much of the rest of the world is so promising to me.  

On the Soap front:

On Thursday, I met up with Erin, whose acquaintance I made at the Grant Park Festival.  We had a chat about marketing, as she recently helped a company called Melt blow up thanks to her work with Coca Cola and Dillards.  My first objective...  to tighten up my look and make it consistent across all mediums, i.e.  website, etsy site, packaging, etc.  I seek to do this first by adding a bit of detail to my logo and then make a commitment to a specific style.  I've got a few ideas, but it's going to have to evolve.  

Speaking of consistency, I've decided to cut mocha cafe the same as my other soaps and add whipped topping to them.  I'll post a picture soon and you'll see what I mean.

Health Issues:

A few months ago, I started to experience symptoms of my Graves Disease (Hyperthyroidism) after a year of remission.  I'm continually learning more about it, but I was in a real panic.  I had been informed by a friend who is also a doctor, that I'd had some temporal wasting that I thought were just bags under my eyes since I hadn't been sleeping well.  It turns out that I'd lost a lot of fatty tissue from underneath my eyes and was left with huge dark craters indicating the severity of my sickness.  I've been on thyroid blockers for almost six weeks now and it's obvious in my face that I'm becoming healthy again.  It's a little unnerving for me to display the following picture, but this is such a common autoimmune disease and a little honesty and humility on my part can't hurt, if not help someone else to not feel so alone and betrayed by their body.  

After about 2 months of symptoms, just before starting treatment.

After 4 weeks of treatment.

There is a lot of information that you, as a patient are responsible for gathering.  Your doctor will likely only give you the most common or "simplest" explanation or recommendation for treatment.  In my own reading, I discovered that thyroid blocking medication was the most common form of treatment outside the U.S. whereas most patients here are treated with radioactive iodine, which I flat out refuse.  Hyperthyroid is actually a very dangerous disease.  It's stressful on one's heart and cardiovascular system.  I've finally gotten most of my strength back at the gym and just two days ago, I was finally able to run again without my heart rate skyrocketing putting me in danger of developing arrhythmia.  I'm quickly on the road to recovery and am also in a much better state of mind, perhaps due to my treatment.

Personal news.

After some inner tension about my relationship with Peter, I finally was brave enough to have an honest discussion about my feelings and our relationship status without attachment to outcome.  I know this sounds really cliche, but I need to know where I stand so that I don't unwittingly get myself into something that was never what I thought it was to begin with.  Fortunately for me, Peter is able to be explicit about what he wants, doesn't want and how he feels.  We both have insecurities and fears, but once we both got past them, we agreed that it's been a long time coming and that we should be "in a relationship".  So, technically, I now have a boyfriend, even though everything's pretty much the same but now our hopes and expectations are out in the open with each other.  Who knows what will happen.  We know there's a suggestion of moving to the same city to really give ourselves a chance to be great together, but it's a long way from making plans.  Things could end before they even really begin, but somehow I'm much more relaxed about the whole situation knowing that he wants to be mine and me, his.

 

New Beginnings. a.k.a. My Birfday!!

That is the cliched working title for my next blog because not only is today Election Day, but it is also my birthday.  So far I've voted and gone to the gym, but I have several things I need to do before the celebration tonight and not much time for musing and reflection, in type anyway.  So, I will probably write tomorrow, but seeing as how there is a good chance of a hang over and the ensuing gloomy outlook on life, I may just wait one more day and do it on Thursday.  I will have pictures too as long as I don't lose or forget my camera.